okay. so my doctor let me know that the hsg was "uncomfortable", but she did not tell me that it would be 15 seconds of absolutely excruciating pain. a hysterosalpingogram (hsg) is an x-ray test. the doctor threads a catheter up there and then pushes ink through to see how it all flows from the fallopian tubes into the uterus. in the event of a blockage, the doctor will attempt to apply more pressure to see if it literally "pops". WHOLE FUCKING SHITBALLS. now it's no surprise that i can curse with the best sailors out there, but usually i can control it. nope. i cursed at the doctor. yup. that totally happened. thank god that's over. results came back normal.
that was yesterday. today, i went back to the doc's for a saline sonogram. this is an ultrasound test in which the doctor threads a catheter into your nether-regions and pushes saline into your uterus. the doctor is able to look closer at the inside of your uterus. most times, they are looking for a septum that exists. compared to yesterday, this was an absolute cake walk. results came back normal. the only test that is left is for my poor, very tolerant, sweet, sweet husband. and let's be honest. his testing is kinda'... fun?
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if you are considering going to an RE (reproductive endocrinologist), be prepared to have a ton of blood drawn! i've already been poked and prodded by my doctor and the only thing they've found so far is that i am not immune to chickenpox. this seems odd because i totally had chickenpox as a kid. tomorrow i'm going to get a varicella vaccine, but then i definitely have to wait another month before conceiving. which is fine, anyway, i suppose, since i started this process. trust in the process. right?
anyway, one of the many blood tests was sent out to this company called GeneScreen. my husband and i had a google hangout with one of the counselors and it was the neatest appointment. she asked about a million questions regarding family history, but, alas, neither of us revealed any genetic issues. so... here's the thing. this is both awesome news and also totally disheartening. one on hand, we obviously don't want any problems. on the other, we're hoping they find something so that (a) we can fix it and (b) we can explain away the previous miscarriages. oh well. on to the next series of tests. there have been many moments of irony already... but none as ironic as awaiting my monthly cycle.
after the first miscarriage, i never actually cycled before i got pregnant again. one of my best friends swears by ovulation kits, so i went ahead and tested myself. it never once said i was ovulating... but i never got my period. i couldn't be pregnant again - right? wrong. after the second miscarriage the advice from my RE was to wait until i cycle. she wanted to see how long it took, how long it lasted, test my hormone levels, etc. anyway, here's where the irony comes in: i spent my whole life NOT wanting my period. and this time around, it literally couldn't come fast enough. this means, well, conclusively that i am NOT pregnant again (which we knew, but still) ... but it also means that i can forge forward with other tests. on deck next are an HSG and a saline sonogram. wholy moly. we knew that this could be expensive, but i don't think we were quite prepared for just HOW many zeros were at the end of each number. thank goodness we both have really amazing insurance that will cover most of the expense of testing and some of the cost of treatments.
and while we're on the topic of insurance... it amazed me how much of my treatment plan is dictated by the insurance company. i mean WTF? the insurance company mandates that we do four rounds of IUI (intrauterine insemination) before moving on to the next aggressive treatment of IVF (in vitro fertilization). but here's the kicker... IUI is generally used a first line against women who are struggling to GET pregnant. i don't have that problem. i just can't sustain a pregnancy. so, let's assume i go forward with IUI. i get pregnant. and i lose the baby. insurance is telling me i need to go through this THREE MORE TIMES before moving onto something more aggressive (like ivf)?! and who the fuck is the insurance company to tell me what i need first? isn't that the job of the doctor? feeling frustrated. my husband and i took the first appointment we could get with a local (but highly recommended) reproductive endocrinologist.
at our first appointment, we were bombarded, literally bombarded, with information. tests. acronyms. more tests. results? maybe. expense? definitely. when we got home, it took a while for either of us to decompress. our heads were flooded with questions: were we ready for this? should we just say, "fuck it" and try again? could we handle all of these tests? should we wait? is there ever really a good time? what if insurance doesn't cover this? what if we uncover something more serious? does the benefit outweigh the risks? deep breath. our next appointment will be via phone with a reproductive financial specialist. yes, that's a real thing. that should give us some time to think, think, think and then decide. so here's the thing. i've always been pretty thin. but after two back-to-back miscarriages, the holidays, comfort eating, and care baskets, i've definitely packed on some weight (and by some weight, i mean... i've never been this large before and it's making me feel even more like shit!). furthermore, i've just been unhealthy. i don't have permission just yet to go back to the gym, but i can totally take control of this via diet. so i read The Fertility Diet and i'm going to modify it for myself. here's what i'll be cutting out starting january 3rd:
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Authorjust a girl growing into womanhood growing into motherhood. Archives
January 2018
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