waiting to cycle is grueling. especially when it's late and you KNOW you're not pregnant.
alas, my cycle has arrived! this means that i had to call my RE (reproductive endocrinologist) as soon as it happened. i'll get a call later today from a pharmacy, who will overnight me injectable medication called "follistim" and in two days, i'll bring it into the office for blood work and an ultrasound. after a few week's worth of waiting, everything seems to be happening pretty quickly now! iui, here we come!
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here we are. two months after my second miscarriage and we have absolutely no answers. i'll reiterate because it's undeniably frustrating. on one hand, this is great! yay for nothing being wrong! on the other hand, this means we have nothing to "fix" and we have no answers for why those miscarriages happened or if i'll be able to sustain a pregnancy in the future.
nonetheless, i met with the doc today and she still has a few concerns, including egg quality. unfortunately, insurance won't pay for the harvesting of eggs until four failed attempts with iui (argh! really want to punch the insurance company powers-that-be in their metaphorical faces!)... so that's what our next step is. gotta wait for my period, which should be coming soon, and then i can start with fertility medications. most women start with clomid, as it has the least likely ability to cause follicle-overstimulation, but my mom was on clomid and it caused her some issues, so i'm skipping ahead to "injectiables", which means i'll literally be injecting myself with hormones (read as: my husband will be injecting me with hormones). that sort of freaks me out, but there's an easy-to-follow video that my doc had me watch, and i guess it's not soo bad! ...nothing left to do now but wait... so there are plenty of forums out there for women who are also struggling TTC. what's TTC you ask? just one of 50 million acronyms that i had to familiarize myself with in order to fucking understand what these women were talking about. so, i've compiled a list for all of you forum newbies out there (and trust me, this is in no way an exhaustive list... just the ones i've encountered most often!):
AF- Aunt Flo, After Flo, Period, or Menstrual Cycle AI- Artificial/Assisted Insemination ART- Assisted Reproductive Technology ASA- Anti-sperm Antibody BBT- Basal Body Temperature BCP- Birth Control Pills BD- Baby Dance (sex) BFN- Big Fat Negative BFP- Big Fat Positive B/W, b/w- Bloodwork CB- Cycle Buddy <---YES, this is a real thing! (like bff's who have their periods together?!) CCCT, CCT- Clomiphene Citrate Challenge Test (Clomid Challenge Test) CD- Cycle Day CF- Cervical Fluid CM- Cervical Mucus CNM- Certified Nurse Midwife COH- Controlled Ovarian Hyperstimulation CP- Cervical Position D&C- Dilation & Curettage D&E- Dilation & Evacuation DE- Donor Eggs DIPI- Direct Intra-peritoneal Insemination DOR- Diminished Ovarian Reserve DPO- Days Post-Ovulation DPR- Days Post-Retrieval DPT- Days Post-Transfer Dx- Diagnosis EB, EMB- Endometrial Biopsy ENDO- Endometriosis EPT- Early Pregnancy Test ER- Egg Retrieval ET- Egg Transfer ETA- Embryo Toxicity Assay ETF- Embryo Toxicity Factor FBG- Fasting Blood Glucose FI- Fasting Insulin FHR- Fetal Heart Rate FP- Follicular Phase FM- Fertility Mucus or Fertility Monitor Frostie- Frozen Embryo FSH Follicle-Stimulating Hormone GD- Gestational Diabetes GIFT- Gamete Intrafallopian Transfer GnRH- Gonadotropin-Releasing Hormone GTT- Glucose Tolerance Test hCG, HCG- Human Chorionic Gonadotropin hMG, HMG- Human Menopausal Gonadotropin HPT- Home Pregnancy Test HRT- Hormone Replacement Therapy HSC- Hysteroscopy HSG- Hysterosalpingogram IBT- Immunobead Binding Test ICI- Intra-cervical Insemination IF- Infertility IGTT- Insulin and Glucose Tolerance Test IOR- Immature Oocyte Retrieval ITI- Intra-tubal Insemination IUI -Intra-uterine Insemination IVC- Intra-vaginal Culture IVF/ET- In Vitro Fertilization and Embryo Transfer IVF- In Vitro Fertilization LH- Luteinizing Hormone LMP- Last Menstrual Period (start date) LP- Luteal-Phase LSP- Low Sperm Count MC, m/c, misc.- Miscarriage NORIF- Non-stimulated Oocyte Retrieval In (office) Fertilization O, OV- Ovulation OB- Obstetrician OB/GYN- Obstetrician/Gynecologist OC- Oral Contraceptives OD- Ovum Donor, Ovulatory Dysfunction OHSS- Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome OPK- Ovulation Predictor Kit OPT- Ovulation Predictor Test PAF, PANFERT- Pregnancy After Infertility PCO- Polycistic Ovaries PCOD- Polycistic Ovarian Disease PCOS- Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome PCT- Post Coital Test PG- Pregnant PI- Primary Infertility PID- Pelvic Inflamatory Disease PMS- Pre-menstrual Syndrome POAS- Pee On A Stick POF- Premature Ovarian Failure RE- Reproductive Endocrinologist R-hFSH- Recombinant Human Follicle Stimulating Hormone RI- Reproductive Immunologist RPL- Recurrent Pregnancy Loss RSM- Recurrent Spontaneous Abortion RX- Prescription SA- Semen Analysis s/b, S/B- Stillbirth SCORIF- Stimulated Cycle Oocyte Retrieval SHG, SonoHSG- Sonohysterogram SI- Secondary Infertility S/S- Signs/Symptoms TEBG- Testosterone-Estradiol Binding Globulin TDI- Therapeutic Donor Insemination TET- Tubal Embryo Transfer TL- Tubal Ligation TSH- Thyroid Stimulating Hormone TTC- Trying To Conceive US- Ultrasound UTI- Urinary Tract Infection V- Vasectomy VR- Vasectomy Reversal WNL- Within Normal Limits ZIFT- Zygote Intra-fallopian Transfer my husband, chris, is literally the best. he's super supportive. he's compassionate. he's easy-going. but even HE was getting frustrated with the ability (or inability) for him to forge forward with his job in this testing process.
his insurance company (we have different policies because we work at different schools - his school says i can't be on his until tenure, which is next year, and i just changed schools so i need to wait one full school year before putting him on mine) dictates that if he goes out of network, he must get a referral. seems simple enough. so a while back, we called his family doctor. the receptionist called back and said that the doctor was unable to fulfill this request because he was no longer a patient. because chris hadn't been there in quite some time, they dropped him as a patient (without telling him)... oh... and they weren't accepting new patients at this time. so i called my family doctor to try and see if we could get a referral from him. the answer, thankfully, was yes, but chris had to first make an appointment to get a physical to establish that he was, in fact, a patient. that took some waiting, but went through with it. a week or so ago, chris made his appointment to deposit a sample for testing, called my doctor to get the referral, and get this. the goddamn system was down. more waiting. fucking technology. so alas, he was able to *finally* reschedule for this past monday. luckily for chris, the RE doc has an andrology lab on site. this means that chris was able to collect his specimen at home instead of a sterile doctor's office! and, because we live so close to the office, dropping off said specimen was easy. so when a male's sperm is tested, they look for three things: (1) concentration [are there enough sperm?], (2) mobility [are they good swimmers?], and (3) morphology [do they have a normal shape]? my husband is very proud of his better-than-normal test results that came back :) ...so that's it. no more testing. next step: meet with the RE to find out wtf comes next. i'm not into progress photos (i'm just not that comfortable), but i've been relatively strict with my modified fertility diet. in fact, in my doc's office, i have access to a dietitian (score! which is covered by insurance!), and she suggested i log my intake. i joined My Fitness Pal, and, drum-roll please.... this month i've lost 10 pounds! my ultimate goal is to get back to pre-pregnancy weight. i still have another ten to go, and i know that the rate at which i lost will slow down from here on, but i'd say month one was a success! i feel great and (bonus score!) the doc said i was good to go to get back into the gym!
here is a typical day of eating:
i was really vocal about my miscarriages on social media. this made everyone close to me nervous. but i felt a sort of comfort in letting others know. also, for even more selfish reasons, i really, REALLY didn't want to have to answer the question, "so, now that you're married, when are you going to make babies?" i've gotta say, though, that even though my reasons were purely selfish in announcing my struggles to the world, i got something so much bigger out of it. women. really, super, crazy strong women... my own friends... people who i've grown up with... family members... strangers even, reached out to me to share their stories. each one was unique, but i found myself surrounded by a community of others experiencing similar pains. there were suggestions, advice, regrets, hopes, complaints... it was really such an amazing experience. and it made me realize just how many everyday women are going through this silent, painful struggle at home without ever showing anyone else around them. so, i encourage all of you... it may be difficult, but get it out, ladies! there's a whole support network out there waiting for you! |
Authorjust a girl growing into womanhood growing into motherhood. Archives
January 2018
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