if anyone ever tells you that pregnancy is a walk in the park, she is a liar. a. big. fat. fucking. liar. i don't care who you are, even if you haven't experienced the stress and anxiety that i've gone through, there is no way in hell that any woman can look you in the face and tell you that at some point during their whole pregnancy, they didn't have cause for concern or worry.
needless to say, after my NT scan, i couldn't sleep. a whole week and a weekend without a full night's slumber. dreadful. thank god for work, because my students keep me super occupied. anyway, i wanted to take a moment and talk about the wonderful world of sleep... prior to pregnancy, i used to sleep like a log. seriously. world war three wouldn't wake me up. but now, i struggle to even fall asleep. my sweet, sweet husband ordered me a "snoogle". it's a g-shaped pillow that you can curl up to. unfortunately, i'm a back and/or belly sleeper (side note: according to physicians, the best sleeping position is on your left side, allowing the most blood and oxygen to flow to the baby - but you don't really have to worry about this until the second trimester... though it may be a good idea to start practicing early), so this didn't exactly help my cause. i just tossed it off the bed LOL one time, i kicked out so hard that i actually ripped the goddamn thing (whoops)! i've since moved on to the leachco back 'n belly chic, which is a u-shaped pillow with curves on the inside. much better. it provides me enough support to keep me propped on my side, but it's HUGE (this thing takes up three quarters of the bed, no lie) and i suffer from night sweats (yeah, that's a thing), so i often wake up super hot. (did i mention it's not exactly cheap? i think it was worth every penny, though!) annnnyway, i digress. even with my new and improved pillow, this week didn't allow for much sleeping. i had conversations with my family and husband i never thought i'd have. it made me reevaluate my priorities and morality, and it made me look at my students and their parents in a whole new way. i am happy (happy is an understatement. i don't have a word here.) to report that the phone call *finally* came in this morning from my ob. all test results from the NIPT blood test came back negative. this is 99% accurate, so currently, there is no need for further testing for trisomy disorders (insert audible sigh of relief). i head back to the ob for a last first trimester ultrasound on wednesday evening. i am very much looking forward to seeing little babe wriggle around. maybe he or she will even give me the finger. i probably deserve it. at least little babe will be able to sleep tonight.
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yesterday's nuchal translucency (NT) scan did not go well.
but first, a little background information on the scan itself. an NT scan is a fancy ultrasound. the tech (or doctor) can scan the baby's neck and measure the fluid in there. measurements can then indicate whether the baby is at risk or not for Trisomy 21 (aka Down Syndrome). NT scans can be done between week 11 and week 14. i was referred to this particular office by my ob. they sent me a butt-load of paperwork in the mail, which i had to fill out prior to the appointment. this particular office only offers scans between 10am and 3pm. (oh, you have to work, you say? too bad.) i took a half day (and so did my husband), and we arrived on time... me with a full-bladder (as was indicated on the paperwork). the tech came into my room quickly and did a scan across my belly. she didn't say much of anything, actually, which was less than comforting. she applied a LOT of pressure to my belly, and judging by how active little babe was, he or she wasn't comfortable, either! because of the activity going on, she really struggled to take a proper picture, and after about 40 minutes, she exited the room. upon her leaving, she told me to "sit tight; the doctor should be in soon." after about 20 minutes of waiting, my bladder was about to explode. i couldn't wait anymore, so i excused myself to the bathroom. shortly thereafter, the doctor came in. he repeated the ultrasound and voiced similar frustrations about little babe's activity. he literally jossled my belly in an effort to get little babe to move into a proper position. after another half hour or so, he said, "this will have to do." using whatever image he could, he told me the measurement of fluid in little babe's neck is "2.99, much above the normal range, placing the baby at an elevated risk for down syndrome." after dropping the bomb, he told me to get dressed and meet him in the lab for blood work and further counseling... after he ate his granola bar, of course. (are you fucking kidding me? you drop that kind of news on a hormonal pregnant lady and you have to excuse yourself to eat your stupid fucking nature valley bar first?! what. the. fuck.) i think i was in shock, because i didn't say a goddamn thing. i got dressed, and my husband and i walked across the hall to the lab. a few minutes later waltzed in peanut-butter breath and he started spewing off really scary statistics. according to the fluid measurement and my age, little babe's odds of having DS are 1:40. (just for a little perspective: if the nt scan were normal for my age, the odds would've been 1:400.) then he asks, ever so nonchalantly, "do you have any questions?" (yes, asshole. can i get a second opinion?) but i said nothing. the nurse came in after that little interaction to draw blood for a non-invasive prenatal test (NIPT) which is typically referred to by brand name like "panorama" or "harmony". the NIPT is a blood test in which the lab can extract the baby's dna from my blood. they test for three major things: trisomy 21, trisomy 18, and trisomy 13. trisomy 21 is DS. the other two are a little more rare, and we usually don't hear about them because if they don't result in spontaneous miscarriage, babies don't typically survive past year one of life. the NIPT can also screen for gender (but we opted to NOT find out - we just want to know that little babe is healthy). the results of the NIPT are 99% accurate (whereas the NT scan is only 70% accurate) and it can cost up to a whopping $2,000 (thank goodness for insurance)! we won't get results for 7-10 business days (welcome back, waiting game). after the blood draw, dr. peanut butter came back in (and we thought we were done with him) to tell me that even if little babe doesn't have DS, a high NT fluid reading could also be an indicator of a heart defect (oh, gee, isn't he just full of positive news?). so he wants me to come back at week 20 for a Level 2 echocardiogram. (pregnant ladies have a scan at 20 weeks usually referred to as an "anatomy scan". this ultrasound looks closely at the anatomy of the baby to make sure all is well. an echocardiogram takes the anatomy scan further but examining the heart, looking at how the blood is flowing, how the chambers have [or haven't] formed, and so on.) this guys is out of his fucking mind if he thinks i am coming back to him. ever again. i emailed my ob this morning letting him know. i asked if he could refer me to another doctor for another nt scan BEFORE the blood tests results come back. i don't even know if this is feasible, but it couldn't hurt to ask. i'd post a picture, but they forgot to give me one. did you know that if you were pregnant before, you are likely to start showing extremely early? this is because your uterus has already undergone the "expansion process". anyway, i'm still early, and so were my other two pregnancies, but i definitely have a little bit of a bump going on. i think it's mostly bloat, because at the end of the day it's HUGE and by morning, it's drastically reduced. but either way, my clothes are a little more snug than they are comfortable at this point. plus, i don't want my students (or their parents) finding out just yet, so hiding my bloat-bump (blump?) has become imperative. but have you looked up the cost of maternity clothes lately? it sure is a lot to spend on stuff you won't be wearing for a long time to come. i'll admit i must be one of the only females i know that hates shopping and isn't really into fashion. (1) shopping is exhausting and a waste of time. that's what the internet and home delivery is for. (2) fashion is fleeting and you can usually find me rolling around on the ground with my students, anyway. so, in a effort to still maintain a professional appearance (i said i wasn't into fashion, but that doesn't mean i look like a total slob!), i signed up for letote.com. i feel like this is the best of both world smushed together, which is perfect for my lifestyle. for a monthly fee, i get to choose four pieces of clothing (score! they have a large selection of maternity clothes!). that monthly fee includes unlimited totes. after i'm done with the first, i just ship it on back (free shipping!) and they make me a brand new box. there are so many good things about this: (1) i don't have to leave my house. (2) everything is high quality and name brand. (3) if i don't like what they pick, my tote is customizable, so i can swap out items at no additional charge. (4) if i love something, i can keep it for a chunk off retail cost. so far, i've received one tote, and my next one should be arriving any minute :) here's a peek at my items (no judging as i am a "plain jane" - but there are definitely more fashionable pieces for you gals who prefer to put in more effort than i do): -----*-----*-----*-----*-----*-----*-----*----Update ----*-----*-----*-----*-----*-----*-----*-----
got to see little babe on wedneday night. heartbeat is steady at 156. two hands. two feet. happy mom-to-be. this afternoon is the harmony blood test and my nuchal scan, and once i actually go through the process, i'll post about my experience. it's no surprise that this pregnancy has me a little more on edge than normal. but this week was particularly trying, mainly due to a sewer line break in our basement. this turned out to be a MUCH bigger job than we ever could have imagined (to the tune of $17,000!!! not including clean-up, which will be covered by homeowner's insurance). not only does it stink (literally - it STINKS!), but we cannot use our water. we've been living on water bottles, frozen meals, and faith.
in addition to that stressor, i started looking into the cost of daycare - probably a bad idea with the basement issue being left largely unresolved. how on earth is daycare as much money as private college tuition? are these people insane? there'd be absolutely no point in me working... unfortunately, we definitely can't survive on one teacher salary :-/ my class also had their field trip yesterday. don't get me wrong: it was fun! the students, for the most part, were really well-behaved. but there is a mental stress when you're in charge of that many kids that don't belong to you in a place that you don't really know all that well... and all i wanted to do was come home, put my feet up, and pass out. but... see paragraph one about the sewer line break. clean-up efforts began late last night (thank you ServPro) and the plumbers came out to give us the estimate (thank you AJ Perri) so there wasn't much sleep that was had. so, to sum this week up in one word, STRESS would be it. did you know that babies in utero can feel your stress? yeah. that thought alone makes me stress out even more. so, even though i have my nuchal scan coming up on friday, my ob agreed to see me tonight because i've been freaking the fuck out. (yes, i know i need to calm down. i'm working on it - i swear! we're on our way to a hotel around the corner from our house as i type! that should help alleviate, at the very least, utilizing a bathroom properly! and thankfully, our homeowner's insurance will cover the hotel room... so that's one less bill to stress about!) this past week was interesting. we had PARCC testing (again) at school, which always causes me (and my students... but probably more me) a lot of stress. i stopped getting true morning sickness, but the nausea hung around. i was also terribly bloated, and typically after dinner, definitely LOOKED pregnant. but, nonetheless, i was still a nervous wreck when i showed up at the doc's last night for my weekly ultrasound.
my usual ob wasn't around, but he operates with a group (and really they're all fantastic), but i had never used this particular ob before. turns out he's AWESOME. and because it's not my imagination and i am showing a bit, he was able to do an ultrasound across my belly (as opposed to trans-vaginally, woo-hoo!!). some really good news came our way: the heartbeat is leveling off at 176 (it peaked last week at 184), little babe is measuring in right at ten weeks, and the doc spotted a nasal bone (which is a good sign in terms of indicators for not having down syndrome). little babe was super active at first, dancing all over the screen, especially when i giggled. then he or she relaxed a bit and began sucking his or her thumb. the doc said it looked like little babe was lounging on the beach with a beer (so we know he or she is DEFINITELY my husband's child!). next week i go to a specialist for an NT (nuchal translucency) scan and harmony test. more to come on what that actually means! for now, here's a pic of one very relaxed little babe: |
Authorjust a girl growing into womanhood growing into motherhood. Archives
January 2018
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