after a woman experiences a miscarriage, little can be said. sometimes a sad smile and hug can go much, much further than verbal diarrhea.
these are things people... friends... have actually said to me post miscarriage. seriously. people really, truly verbalized these: "everything happens for a reason." really? thank you for you fatalistic outlook, but i'm finding it difficult to think that there was a greater, spiritual good to a baby dying inside me. "don't worry. the next one will be just fine." are you sure about that? because unless this statement comes with some sort of money-back guarantee, you.don't.know. and for the record, my next pregnancy was not fine, thank you very much. furthermore, even if it was, that does not make up for what just happened. "this is just your body's way of telling you something was wrong." perhaps true, i still don't want to think that all of those years taking care of my body were for naught. crack addicts have babies. something wasn't wrong there?! "this is just a road bump." a road bump is a pimple in the middle of my forehead. this is much, much more than a road bump. "at least it happened pretty early on." the logical part of me agrees, but the emotional part wants to punch you in the face. situations can always get more dire. but right now, this feels pretty fucking bad. "well... you don't look pregnant." in case you missed the memo, i'm not. "you look great!" i feel like shit! "this happened to my mom. and look! i'm here!" it happened to my mom, too. i am also here. and i know that modern medicine may provide a light at the end of the tunnel, but right now, i'm at the mouth of that tunnel. and it is dark.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Authorjust a girl growing into womanhood growing into motherhood. Archives
January 2018
|